Whar Desperate Dan’s The Real Mackay

Abuin the toun there's nae mair stour
noo jute's awa an taen its reek.
Aye gets scoosht wi teuch Scots haar mind.
Noo imaigine the Almichty
taks a muckle cloot an dichts haird
the haars o a the years gone beh.
Thon's no a sicht mair a veesion.
Wirth a keek, traiveler, worth a keek.

Leuk thon’s nane ither than Wallace
takin doon thon heidsman's prood lad
an guisin, a muckle wuman.
Fowk telt Cromwell's errant-loun Monck –
Gie ower – ootnummered or no.
Joe Knight focht slavery roond here
an Rabbie made limmers' hairts flaff
aince no sae that affy lang syne.

Thonder's Mary Shelley's auld hoose
whar she first thocht o the unbeast.
Frankie, Frankie Stein wi cried im.
Mither o anither Rabbie
Broonin soothren makar steyed tae.
Sherlock? Watson wiz a wirthie.
Wi built Scott the Diskivery
tho he niver foond thon Sooth Pole

Chalmers thocht o yir postage stamp,
an Mary Slessor worked thae mills
then made it back fae Kalabar
tae a Scots ten poond note nae less.
An Mary Brooksbank went tae jyle
fur stannin up fur the wirkers.
The faither o the faither o
Bond, James Bond built cantie hooses.

James Connolly ceetizen aince
led the Easter Risin efter.
Churchill cried fowk Fenian Lions
wi mooths o Communist wallies.
Wi’d gien him a kipper tae eat,
a fair muckle maggot in it.
Joe Lee focht an scrieved the trenches.
McGonagall played Macbeth aince.
Ee refused tae dee at the end,
widdershins fae Auld Reekie him.
Sinatra sung fur wi aa aince.
Caird Hall wiz hauf empie yon nicht.
Niver mind blue een, wi telt im.
C'mon hae a bevie wi us!
Noo, nae C an A, V an A,
whar Desperate Dan's the Real MacKay!

John Quinn